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It's a beautiful day and I'm....



...Angry


I am angry at the buds on the trees, the flowers blooming, the beautiful breeze...it feels like how dare the world continue on, how dare things be normal? How dare the day be so f'n beautiful.


I paid my car off today, Greta is all mine now. I paid it off two months early in fact, that feels good, it feels responsible. I hate it.



Greta is a Beetle, she doesn't look anything like this one though...


It's not just the loss eating at me today, it's thinking about life as a whole. Seeing the ways I push myself to do something different, but not all the way.


I did a meditation today that left me sobbing for all of the things. To quote Kyle Gray sometime after he led the meditation that left me sobbing, "being human is really hard, even from a place of privilege."


Tomorrow, we'll start Earth Week, which will be sad in a different way. Life.... 🤷‍♀️


Thanks for being here.




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10 comentários


Convidado:
15 de abr.

I am so sorry for your struggles. I usually find comfort in nature. The world may be a mess, people are fighting in wars, people are fighting in divorces, people are dying from cancer, but nature, year after year, comes through. Blooming and growing, giving us new hope and new life. Hugs! Tamara

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Respondendo a

Thank you for the hugs and a different perspective. ❤️

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Kebba Button
Kebba Button
15 de abr.

Kimberly, I'm so sorry you are sad. It is horrible to lose a loved one with such an active influence in your life. Since 2017, I have lost my mother, a sister, my husband, a year to chemo, and another sister; I'm still grieving. And I hope you'll take your sweet time and grieve in any way you need to. Still, congratulations on paying off your car, and blessings on anything else in your life that seems good now.

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Respondendo a

Oh, Kebba, I am so, so sorry, what a tough go you've had. I will take my time and grieve how I need to, thank you for that. I hope you are doing the same. Sending you love.

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I feel your pain but for me today was sad. I ended up sobbing like a baby at church today all because of a hymn we sung. It's the little things that trigger me but I made it through. I'm learning we have to take it one day at a time. Congrats on paying off your car.

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Respondendo a

Exactly, one day at a time. It is the little things, many we won't expect, glad you're letting it out when you can.

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Convidado:
14 de abr.

Great job on the car payoff must feel great. As far as going back to normal I guess that’s all we can do. I am hopeful your meditations help and wish I could do more to help.

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Respondendo a

Thank you, it is nice to know I can now apply that money to other debt.


I think normal will be different now, things can't be the same as they were before the loss, the relationships change us, so does their loss. Meditations have been hit or miss. Just being here and commenting helps, thank you for that.

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Convidado:
14 de abr.

Hi Kimberley, many congratulations on paying off your car - I'm sure that must be a huge relief that that burden has been lifted - and what a beautiful car your beetle is, such beautiful lines - very elegant! Yes it is wonder isn't it, how life continues. Good to hear that you are finding some sort of solace in your meditations. Keep going! Hugs and best wishes, alice :)


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Respondendo a

Thank you, there is some relief for sure. I do love my Beetle, she really is very pretty and so fun to drive. Hugs to you!

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