Today's blog is a quick break from Earth Week as last night was our first Toastmasters meeting since Brian passed.
I was really nervous ahead of the meeting. I was worried stepping into the room knowing he would never be there again was going to be too much for me and I wouldn't be able to hold it together during the meeting. I'm the President, I'm supposed to lead. I was worried that I wouldn't say all of the things I wanted to, or that I would stumble too much and it wouldn't be the talk he deserved.
I got there early, prepared to take in whatever feelings were going to come, and set up the photo, Mets hat, and Mets hoodie I brought to mark where Brian regularly sat. I stepped in the room and it hit me, Brian will never stand in this room again. It is still unbelievable. I set up the items and sat in his chair. I wanted to see the room from his perspective.
As members arrived it was bittersweet, we hugged, we talked about Brian, about how we felt being there. Before I knew it, it was time to speak to the club. I got up and though my voice was breaking I spoke from the heart. Members were smiling, memories conjured, new members and guests smiled too, as if meeting Brian for the first time. There were tears, there were chuckles, Brian was there with us in a new way.
The remainder of the meeting was a mix of Brian stories and a speech about Brian as a mentor, as well as some regular Table Topics for those who did not have memories to share. It was 90 minutes of holding space for one another, for supporting, for laughs and tears, it was community.
Brian gave the biggest, warmest hugs, make sure the people you love know it, maybe even start by giving Brian hugs.