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Pulling it together...



...Just kidding, I'm not doing that. Not today anyway. The above picture reflects how my insides feel.


I find grief so interesting. Not the sadness and pain, but the way people process it so differently. For some, they don't allow the emotions they're feeling to be seen by others, even their loved ones. For others, they experience pain and sadness quickly and then seem to not have those feelings again. There are others, like me, who let it consume them for the immediate time and slowly work out of it. I want to talk about it, the feelings, the loved one whom I've lost, A LOT. I want to cry, I want to be angry that the circumstances cannot be changed, I want the space to do these things.


When my soul-cat Cookie passed away in 2020, my husband and I took 3 days off from work and into the weekend to grieve. I cried most of the day, we comforted each other constantly. I remember that we would have these moments when we would look at each other and the tears would start, as if we were remembering the same moment, or same thing about her. I have no idea how long it was before I didn't cry at least once every day. I still talk about Cookie pretty regularly, I still talk to her too. When something makes me think of her, I'll mention it, or when a memory on Facebook or my phone pops up with her sweet little face, I miss her and I love her, and I am so grateful I had the time I did with her.


I am following the same pattern after losing my friend Brian earlier this week. I've cried a lot, I've talked to him, I've talked about him, as you know, I've written about him too. I was glad that it worked out that more work calls this week were off-camera than on this week as the waves of sadness don't really care what else you're doing. I have found comfort in writing these blogs, in texting and chatting on the phone with other Toastmasters members, and in reading old messages.


Thank you so much for reading these sad but necessary blogs this week. Monday begins Earth Week and leads into launch of Season 5 of Did You Bring the Hummus Podcast on Earth Day. Brian told me often how proud he was of me with the podcast, that I honored this way of using my voice, and how awesome it was that Toastmasters got me started.


Hug someone you love, every chance you get.




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10 Comments


Guest
Apr 14

Yeah I lost a very good friend back in December and my topic this month reminds me a lot of him.

--

Tim Brannan

<a href="https://theotherside.timsbrannan.com/">The Other Side: 2024 A to Z of Dungeons & Dragons.</a>


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I'm so sorry, Tim. Glad you are finding a way to remember him through your blog.

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I keep thinking I don't have any tears left then a memory or I think of something and the flood gates open. It's only been a few weeks but sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming and my love will wake me up. 59 years of memories, it's so hard but I have to be strong especially for Lia.

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I hope you are able to have moments where you don't need to be strong, we all need space to lose it. You've been in my thoughts and my heart.

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Guest
Apr 13

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know everyone has told me to hold on to the beautiful memories and pictures, etc - but some days...those hurt even worse ♥

Hallie Grace

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Thank you so much, Hallie Grace. You’re right, sometimes those cut so deep, it’s a process, a long process. ❤️

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Guest
Apr 13

This is Brenda Marie. Like you, writing brings me so much comfort when it comes to the ones who have gone to the other side.

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It truly is a balm 🩷

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Guest
Apr 13

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I am glad writing brings you comfort and helps you process through the pain.

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Thank you so much 🩷

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