Thoughts on grief

There is a mourning dove cooing outside my window as I try to decide what today's blog will be, one showed up yesterday afternoon as well. I've heard them before, they're not uncommon here but I don't believe I've ever seen one sit on the porch roof outside my office window.

I spent most of my life not looking for signs. In fact, I didn't believe in such things. I was very comfortable with the idea that once someone dies that's it, everything goes black, there's nothing continuing on. Which, as I think about it, still baffles me because I never questioned that energy exists in the world which moves and changes, our brains are so interesting. However, as I get older and experience meaningful loss in my life, it's made me understand why signs are important, why talking about the ones we lose matters. This started with the loss of my soul-cat, Cookie. I wrote a bit about this experience of finding a different way to look at these things here.

Cardinals are often the bird we associate with a sign or visit from a loved one, but when the mourning dove showed up yesterday I did some googling and they too can be signs of a loved one. Since losing Cookie and now my dear friend I am comforted by these signs, I have also found how important it is to keep talking about those you lost. Cookie has been gone almost 4 years but she still comes up in regular conversation.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

Kahlil Gibran

"There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard."

Victoria Alexander

"People touch our lives if only for a moment, And yet we're not the same from that moment on, The time is not important, The moment is forever."

Fern Bork

"We need never be afraid of our tears."

Charles Dickens

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

Winnie the Pooh

That last quote reminded me of one of my favorite moments in South Park

If you're hurting too, I'm sending you lots of love and if you'd like to share a story of a loved one you've lost I'd love to read them in the comments.