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Thoughts on grief



There is a mourning dove cooing outside my window as I try to decide what today's blog will be, one showed up yesterday afternoon as well. I've heard them before, they're not uncommon here but I don't believe I've ever seen one sit on the porch roof outside my office window.


I spent most of my life not looking for signs. In fact, I didn't believe in such things. I was very comfortable with the idea that once someone dies that's it, everything goes black, there's nothing continuing on. Which, as I think about it, still baffles me because I never questioned that energy exists in the world which moves and changes, our brains are so interesting. However, as I get older and experience meaningful loss in my life, it's made me understand why signs are important, why talking about the ones we lose matters. This started with the loss of my soul-cat, Cookie. I wrote a bit about this experience of finding a different way to look at these things here.


Cardinals are often the bird we associate with a sign or visit from a loved one, but when the mourning dove showed up yesterday I did some googling and they too can be signs of a loved one. Since losing Cookie and now my dear friend I am comforted by these signs, I have also found how important it is to keep talking about those you lost. Cookie has been gone almost 4 years but she still comes up in regular conversation.


"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

Kahlil Gibran


"There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard."

Victoria Alexander


"People touch our lives if only for a moment, And yet we're not the same from that moment on, The time is not important, The moment is forever."

Fern Bork


"We need never be afraid of our tears."

Charles Dickens


How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

Winnie the Pooh


That last quote reminded me of one of my favorite moments in South Park




If you're hurting too, I'm sending you lots of love and if you'd like to share a story of a loved one you've lost I'd love to read them in the comments.

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10 Comments


All tears are healing tears. My husband thinks that a white cat that has started coming around is our white dog reincarnated, not really, but he wishes! The cat is too old to have been our reincarnated dog.

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I love that, all tears are healing tears.


I’m sorry for the loss of your dog, that too, is a terribly painful loss.

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Guest
Apr 10

I recently had a loss that devastated me like no other. It’s almost 2 months now and it is not getting any easier and to be honest I don’t want it to as I think I will forget him if I don’t let destroy me each and every day.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your fear that you might forget him, but, I also think that can't be possible with those who touch our lives so deeply. Talk about him, share stories that make you smile, he'll be with you always.

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Guest
Apr 10

My post tomorrow will cover some recent losses I have had. So this hits home.

--

Tim Brannan, The Other Side blog

<a href="https://theotherside.timsbrannan.com/">2024 A to Z of Dungeons & Dragons, Celebrating 50 Years of D&D</a>


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I'm so sorry, Tim

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Guest
Apr 10

I enjoy birds and animals and believe that all of God’s creation speaks to us of His love for us. I learn many things in nature, and those things bring me comfort.


While I believe what the Bible says that the dead know not anything, I know that God has many means of bringing us comfort.


God bless you.

Laurie

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Thank you, Laurie

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I knew cardinals and yellow butterflies were a sign from our loved ones but don't know about doves. We too have lots of doves and as we were getting ready to leave for Rich's funeral last week, 2 doves walked ever so slowly across the lawn in front of our door. I'm sure it was a sign. Thank you for this wonderful blog, I needed it.

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I'm holding you in my heart, Martha

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